if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
