Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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