So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
