If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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