sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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