ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
