do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
