I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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