i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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