I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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