I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
