I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
