my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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