I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
