Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
