so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
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Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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