Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
