So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My first STD was from a foam party
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
