I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
