A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
