she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
