Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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