Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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