Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
