i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dick very happy bro
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
