If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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