The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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