Walk of Shame. In a state park.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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