Please, let me fuck your mom
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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