Im at strip club and am horny
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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