i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
whose parrot is this?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
