Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
be right there i have to get my cape
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
