But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
