Pappa wants mamma naked
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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