I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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