I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
