Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
