Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
