This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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