third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
