My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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