How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
