So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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