whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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