HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
