if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
