There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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