dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
