my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
