i may or may not be watching the land before time
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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