dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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