You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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