I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
