I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
