hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
