Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
