Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
is it fun? or sober?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
