and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
