My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We don't watch enough power rangers
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
