I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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