I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
