I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
