don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
