As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
