i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
